FIVE HOLIDAY TIPS FOR DIVORCED AND SEPARATED PARENTS

The holidays are a joyous time, especially for those with children, but when the parents do not live together, it can also be a very stressful time. Listed below are some tips to help divorced or separated parents make the holidays the best that they can be for their children and themselves.

1. Remember that the holiday is about celebration and family. It is not about a specific day or date. If the other parent has the children on Thanksgiving Day, create your own holiday on the Saturday before or the Sunday after. Don’t have turkey, have a big pot of spaghetti or a beef roast.

2. Be flexible about the timing. Just because the standard Parenting Plan provides that the exchange should take place at 10 AM on Christmas Day, that doesn’t mean that 10 AM is the best time for you and your children. Think about what will work for the children. It is about them, it isn’t about you.

3. Communicate with the other parent about gifts to the child. Remember that it isn’t a competition. Don’t duplicate presents. Children need to know that their gifts were selected just for them and also that the presents belong to them. Let the children take the presents back and forth between the parents’ homes. It is a gift and belongs to the child. It is not yours. Even if you spent a lot of time finding the perfect gift, do not make an issue out of it if the other parent dictates that the child can only play with that toy or game at that other parent’s home. That is okay. Make sure the child knows that.

4. Make certain that your child has a gift for the other parent. If you do not wish to assist the child in making a present, take them to the Dollar Store, give them $5 and make it an adventure. This is not the time to teach lessons. Give the child the money, explain how many things that sum will buy for a younger child and let the child select. Encourage the child to make a card, with crayons or colored pencils or on the computer. Do this even if you have never received a gift from the children that the other parent helped them select.

5. Relax and enjoy yourself and your family. Express disappointment and anger when things do not go as you wished or planned to your mother, your therapist, your best friend, not your children (no matter how old they are).

These tips are brought to you by The Carson Law Firm, Family Law Attorneys. For more information relating to child custody matters, please see our website at WWW.THECARSONLAWFIRM.COM.

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For more information, please contact Leigh Joy Carson at 314-721-2422 or lcarson@thecarsonlawfirm.com.

The Carson Law Firm: Family Law Attorneys -- Serving St. Louis Families for Over a Decade

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